Can't anyone get some help around here!

So tonight this patient (not one of mine) see's me in the hall....
Mr. C. Dimentia:  Come here! Hey you! Come here!
Nurse: Did you need something?
Mr. C. Dimentia: Can you help a colored man out?! (He was very much white and the only person in the room...)
Nurse: Let me get your nurse and she can help you.
Mr. C. Dimemtia: Ok. But if you don't I'll shoot ya!

Sometimes all you need is a little Clorox

Nurse: Your eye is red. Does it hurt?
Pt: No. It kind of itches.
Nurse: It's really red.  Were you scratching it a lot?
Pt: No. One time last year the same thing happened to my eye so I dunked my face in a bowl of Clorox and it made it better.
Nurse: What? You did not! (As nurse is laughing)
Pt: (smiling and laughing also). Yes I did! It worked to! I just need to wash my eye out.
Nurse: Well I don't think we will do a Clorox treatment. :-)

It's here!

Well folks I am off to Nepal for the next 2 weeks. I will be working with an amazing group called Medical Mercy.  We will be bringing medical care to the children of Nepal and their families.  I am so grateful for this opportunity!  Please pray for our group as we go that we may be of help to the children of Nepal.  If you would like to follow our adventures there will be a blog kept up, depending on Internet connection. medicalmercy.blogspot.com

Pg-13

Pam P. Paranoia: You are a ridiculous idiot! You are an f*#&@ing B&@#*!!

It's ok.  I've been called worse by better.  ;-)

Pam P. Paranoia is not at risk for pneumonia. She exercises those lungs! So loudly in fact that ear plugs were needed. Ear plugs people. Have you ever had a conversation with someone with earplugs in your ears. It's weird. You feel like you are talking under water.

Kids, don't try this at home

Nurse K: You don't remember being here for so long because you fried your brain with drugs. (Some times this nurse may be a little blunt...)
Susie Meth: Well meth will fry your brain. Cocaine will fry your brain. But heroine doesn't fry your brain.  Sometimes the world is a scary place and your don't want to deal with it anymore so you take a little heroine and you feel better.

Spoken like a true addict.

You know your a nurse if

You know your a real nurse if your patient starts having a seizure and your first thought is, "really? I was just about to go to lunch. You couldn't have waited until I got back?!"

........

The other day my patient says to me, "You are so pretty. You look like a soap opera actress."
My status in the world just went up! ;-) She just may be my favorite patient...  If you want to get on your nurses good side tell them all day how pretty they are. You will be her favorite.  ;-)

.........

So the other day I was wearing green scrub pants with a gray scrub top.  I thought it looked just fine. But then...

Mr. ADHD: So when you first became a nurse did you think it was cool to wear different color scrubs and now you just don't care?

Maybe I should have him ok my outfit tomorrow?

Patient ramblings ...or rumblings, cause some times they do that too.

Cute nurse: What is your name?.
C. Dementia: Why don't you tell me what I think?
Cute nurse: I don't know what you think. :-) Can you tell me what your name is?
C. Dementia: Well, the dogs are doing push ups.

Dr. Tall: Hi Mr. Dementia. How are you?
C. Dementia: Where is your girlfriend?

Cute Nurse:  Are you done going to the bathroom?
C. Dementia: I like your shoes.
Cute Nurse: Thanks. :-) (dirty tennis shoes, probably covered in all sorts of diseases, are the new fad. At least for 80 year old men. )

.........................................................
**Warning: this one is rated PG-13. Actual swear words used have been modified...ish**

Patient drunk off his rocker: Why do you have me F'ing tied up! I'm going to sue this F'ing place! Get me out of here!! (As he makes the bed shake with his body)
Annoyed Nurse: you are in restraints because you are drunk and keep trying to hurt people.
Funny Nurse: Dude, what are you doing drunk at 1:00 in the afternoon? You need to watch your language.
Patient drunk off his rocker: (starts crying) I'm sorry. Please let me out. 
Annoyed Nurse: We can't let you out. We need to keep you safe. 
Patient drunk off his rocker: HAHAHA!! 
Patient drunk off his rocker:  Get me the F out of here! 
Annoyed Nurse: Please stop yelling the F word. You are scaring the other patients.
Patient drunk off his rocker: F! F! F! F! F! F!