Sunday, April 29, 2012

Are you calling me a druggy?

My mom and I got accosted outside the Mexican market the other day.

We were walking to the car:
Susie Seller: Do you have kids?!
 Me: (I just ignore her)
Susie Seller: Do you have Kids?!
Me: (continue to ignore)
Susie Seller: Do you have kids?!
 Me: I don't have kids.
Susie Seller: well I am selling stuff for kids outside my car!
 Me: I don't have kids. I don't need anything.
Susie Seller: well I have woman stuff too!
Me: No thanks I don't need anything. 

 We then try to get in the as fast as we can but before I can even get my door shut this girl walks up and corners me. She looked like she was maybe 18-20 years old, rail thin, her makeup looks like she was high when she put it on.

Crystal Meth: Do you speak English?
Me: Yes. (I'm thinking maybe she is going to ask me directions or something)
Crystal Meth: oh good. Everyone else has been telling me they don't speak English. (dramatic pause as she kneals down next to me) I don't normally look like this. It's just that I got in a fight with my boyfriend. It's a bad relationship obviously. I have a place to stay for the next 2 nights but after that I don't know where I am going to go. (dramatic pause) And all I need is 23 dollars. (dramatic pause) It's just, I didn't know that hotel rooms cost more on the weekends and I'm not a bum I promise. I'm not a druggy. And I have a job but it doesn't start until next week.
Me: uh huh (by the look on my face I think she can tell I am not believing her)
Crystal Meth: And my mom died last week so that's why I'm here. I wasn't expecting to be here. (long dramatic pause) This is the hardest I have had to beg for 20 dollars in my life. (Dramatic pause).
 Me: Well I'll tell you what I can do. I have a couple of dollars but that's all I have. ( I pulled $2 out of my purse) okay. Good luck.
Crystal Meth: (just stands there and gives me this look like 'are you serious, that's all I got out of that.) 

 So I shut the door real fast and lock it. She continues to stand there like I am going to change my mind and open my door. So I just start to back up and she slowly moves. Best 2 dollars I ever spent!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Hello

A little hospital humor to lighten the day. I took care of a patient over the weekend that was a very pleasantly confused elderly man. He said so many funny things! I can't even remember everything he said. Names have of course been changed to protect the innocent.  ;-)

Me: Good morning Mr. Melon! Did you sleep well last night?
Mr. Melon: Ya. (big smile) I need you to do something for me but I know you're busy because you are engaged.
Me: What? I'm not getting married. I wish!
Mr. Melon: Yes you are. (Big smile) We are getting married.
Me: We are getting married? I didn't know that.
Mr Melon: Ya... we're getting married...and you can move into my trailer park with me. We can adopt if you want...but we can't have children for obvious reasons. 

Usually my job is very stressful. But, sometimes it can be very funny!