I never lack for a good story.

This all happened a few weeks ago. All of these conversations were with the same patient on the same day...

Nurse: Ok, I will go get you some Tylenol for your headache.
Patient: Ok. Oh does that come in chewing gum form?

Patient: I need you to go get an ambulance for my mother because her heart stopped working!
Nurse: remember your mother and father died many years ago.
Patient: she is right there!
Nurse: no she's not. She died many years ago.
Patient: I know she died many years ago, but she is right there. Don't you believe in miracles?! Don't you believe her heart could start working?!
Nurse: Where are you right now? Do you know what day it is? 
Patient: I am in the hospital and today is September 2 and I need to get a ambulance for my mother.
(Well 2 out of 3 I guess).
Nurse: I do not see your mom.
Patient: She's right there! Mother! (she looks at the side of the room) ...She's not there. She was there before. Now that's just spooky. 

Patient: you all get d minuses. Some people have a schedule to keep!
Nurse: where are you going?
Patient: I am going to get up and go in to the other room.
Nurse: you can't walk.
Patient: oh not this again. I CAN walk!
Me: no you can't.  You haven't walked in months.
Patient: I CAN walk. I went to the movie theater last night! You don't believe me because you didn't see me!